Does Grandma Need Boundaries?
Two weekends ago my family and I went to my hometown for a funeral. We stayed with my mother as we normally do. Lezlie and I decided to go to the visitation without the children and my mother was willing to watch our children. On our way home from the funeral home we called to check on the kids and my older brother answered the phone. When we asked to speak to mom he informed us that she went to the store. Knowing that we had not left the car seats with her we asked where the boys were. He replied he was home alone with them. BIG BIG BIG problem!
You see my brother has a long history of drug addiction, is unemployed, and relies on my mother to take care of him. He has an unpredictable temper and keeps guns inside her home. He hasn’t seen his own children since they were babies and they’re both college aged now.
My mother is a great woman. She would do anything for anyone and I love her very much. I don’t agree with her enabling my brother, but it is her home and he is her son. However, I think I have the right to decide the where’s, when’s, how’s, and who’s concerning my children.
When I arrived home I walked in and just looked at my mother saying nothing. She returned the look with a scowl and a firm, “Don’t start with me!” I calmly said, “What were you thinking? You left our children alone with a known drug addict. That’s not even in the same vicinity as being close to the same ballpark of being okay with us.” She tried to explain that she was only gone for five minutes and I continued trying to explain that it was still wrong. The matter never did get resolved. She thinks she did nothing wrong and I think she crossed a huge line.
Am I blowing this out of proportion? I mean, she was only gone five minutes. However, coming from the EMS background I have seen many things that took five minutes or less to happen. I am befuddled at how she could have used such bad judgment with someone else’s kids. Maybe I am wrong. Am I? I’d like to hear from some of you. How would you have handled this? Is this an area that we should draw clear lines in the sand and set firm boundaries or is it one of those areas that you pick your battles in and walk away?
You see my brother has a long history of drug addiction, is unemployed, and relies on my mother to take care of him. He has an unpredictable temper and keeps guns inside her home. He hasn’t seen his own children since they were babies and they’re both college aged now.
My mother is a great woman. She would do anything for anyone and I love her very much. I don’t agree with her enabling my brother, but it is her home and he is her son. However, I think I have the right to decide the where’s, when’s, how’s, and who’s concerning my children.
When I arrived home I walked in and just looked at my mother saying nothing. She returned the look with a scowl and a firm, “Don’t start with me!” I calmly said, “What were you thinking? You left our children alone with a known drug addict. That’s not even in the same vicinity as being close to the same ballpark of being okay with us.” She tried to explain that she was only gone for five minutes and I continued trying to explain that it was still wrong. The matter never did get resolved. She thinks she did nothing wrong and I think she crossed a huge line.
Am I blowing this out of proportion? I mean, she was only gone five minutes. However, coming from the EMS background I have seen many things that took five minutes or less to happen. I am befuddled at how she could have used such bad judgment with someone else’s kids. Maybe I am wrong. Am I? I’d like to hear from some of you. How would you have handled this? Is this an area that we should draw clear lines in the sand and set firm boundaries or is it one of those areas that you pick your battles in and walk away?
posted by Troy at 9:15 AM
1 Comments:
As a mother who only lets family or people I consider family (VERY few) watch my kids - I believe whoever watches your children needs to respect your beliefs, feelings, rules - however you want to describe it. They are YOUR kids and you only get one shot at it. There are no real "do-overs" when it comes to a child's early development, safety, perhaps even life. And it truly does only take a second or two for something to go terribly wrong with little ones.
My grandmother used to let us have or do things she specifically knew our parents wouldn't approve of and then tell us not to tell Mom. That absolutely undermines a parent's authority and teaches kids a very bad lesson - if Mom and Dad aren't around, I don't have to do what I know is right. It also made problems between my grandma and my parents.
I think you guys are right - it is a big deal and it's not cool for someone to trivialize something that is so important to you.
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