Why I Fear My Child!

At the time of this writing, my oldest child, Joshua, has recently just turned five and his younger brother, Nicholas, recently three. Both are generally well-behaved children and other than chronic respiratory and sinus related health issues from being premature we couldn’t be more proud of them.

Tonight Joshua will have a preschool graduation program as he makes his way to kindergarten in the fall. Some well-respected experts assert that a child’s identity in adulthood is determined with in the first five years of their life. So how did we do? What will he be like? Have we instilled in him the values and morals that we hope will shape his character and values? There's still a lifetime of effort left to be made on our part, but I'm referencing just these five years.

I look into his beautiful innocent blue eyes everyday. I hear repeatedly his quest for knowledge as he asks questions. He’s only three feet tall and full of questions. He must think I’m the smartest man alive. I don’t have all the answers to his questions on every little how and where and why.

His innocence still amazes me. His dependence on his mother and me for basic functions of life is slowly eroding. One day she and I will be begging him for his time and his affection. One day his innocence will be more a matter of his choice then of our shielding him.

Yet every parent worries about what their child will become like. Will he hold dear the values that we have tried to implant in him? Will he seek the God that we serve? Will he be a man of integrity and character? Will he right the wrongs and stand on principle? OR will he do and be all the opposites of this? I pray I never have to face a conversation with a police officer bringing my child home or worse. I pray I never have to have a conversation with my child concerning his sexual orientation. I pray I never have to deal with abusive tempers or destructive patterns.

As his innocence erodes, and in many cases is stolen from him by the world, part of me fears my child and his future. Part of me also has great anticipation for his success and helping to guide him there. In the end, all I can do is what God has entrusted me to do and the rest will eventually be up to him and God. For now, we enjoy snuggle time, hugs & kisses, and ice cream in bed.