Adultery! Who's To Blame?
I have always maintained that, as a society, we make marriage more a matter of convenience then a matter of commitment. It's become more, "as long our love shall last," then "as long as we both shall live."
Newsweek Dec. 4, 2006 issue - When George Berg's wife, Sandra, began spending three nights a week studying for an MBA, he didn't mind. But when the manager of the family's Myrtle Beach time share called two years ago to say someone left behind a Blockbuster video card—during a weekend when Sandra was supposed to be away at a company event with their son—George got suspicious. Asking his 5-year-old about the trip, he made a heartbreaking discovery. "I asked him. 'You went with Mommy's [female] boss?' He said 'No, I went with Mommy's gay friend from work'."
Using an arcane North Carolina law on "alienation of affection," Berg filed suit not against his ex-wife (they divorced earlier this year) but against the other adulterer. In August, they settled for more than $150,000, and in January Berg will begin receiving monthly checks.
Marriage is more of a contract then it is anything else. It's a contract between a husband and a wife; it's a contract between the couple and their family and friends; and it’s a contract between the couple and their God. Contracts of any other nature are subject to enforcement of their terms by civil litigation and possibly criminal prosecution resulting in some form of compensation. Isn't it fair, then, to insist that the marriage contract be held to the same standard?
When someone who is legally united into the establishment of marriage goes outside the marriage without the consent of his or her spouse then a violation of the contract has occurred. When a third party outside the marriage pursues and engages someone they know is bound by the marriage covenant then that person has also violated a legal contract; albeit not a contract they themselves have entered into necessarily, but one that exists nonetheless.
There are a myriad of angles and reasons someone might be inclined to violate the contract. The question, in my mind, isn’t who drove whom to what? It’s more, who committed the act and violated the contract? Unhappiness, indeed emotions of any kind, in general, does not give you free license to act without the reprisal of consequences.
While, as in the case of this article, the law invoked may be based on an archaic notion that “a wife is her husband's property,” I maintain that there should be a more appropriate law that declares that the husband and wife are bound, by contract, to certain standards (unless specifically stated otherwise) and therefore subject to penalty.
My final synopsis…good for the guy who sued and won. Generally, I think we, as a society, sue far too often and without proper justification. We must make marriage a serious, sacred occasion again and not something to be dismissed when the emotion carries us briefly in a different direction. It’s bad for families, it’s bad for the kids, and it’s bad for our society.
Labels: Moral/Social
posted by Troy at 2:13 PM
4 Comments:
I truly agree with this story. The person that actively pursues a married person should be at fault just as much as the adulterer. Sure, there are people that will read this and think, "What if that person is in a bad relationship?" We can 'what if' until we're blue in the face. People need to understand that when they get married, it's a life long contract between the man the woman and their God. God brought those two people together for whatever right reasons He had.
It's even harder for me to believe, as a mother, that a woman would involve her child - young child- into such a lie. I believe it would be difficult for her son to respect his mother growing up.
Our children are always watching us and listening intently to every word that flows out of our mouths.
The husband had the right to sue for 'breach of contract.' That very contract was the marriage vows between two people!
I'm going to have to agree totatlly. But I would like to pose this question: What constitutes adultery? It's all good and well to be tough on people who have "done the deed", but isn't it more than that? Some people (myself included) believe that adultery, cheating, messing around - however you want to say it - can be in thought long before it takes action. So is a person committing adultery simply by lusting after someone other than their own spouse? I believe so. And this poses a big problem between men and women many times. Given the fact that men are "wired differently" than women and are triggered by visual stimulation whereas women are stimulated more by action or emotion, is a man who hits all the hot sites online, or watches XXX video or reads Playboy committing adultery? My opinion is that no man has the right to look at someone else's wife, girlfriend, sister, daughter that way just as a wife should look at no other man that way. When a man chooses to lust after a woman who is not his wife, he disrespects his wife, his family and himself. A lot of people don't see a problem because "it's just pictures". The problem is that you get an unrealistic idea in your mind that no mere wife can attain - it takes trick photography, lighting, liposuction, makeup, hairstylists and anorexia among other things,to look like that. How is a normal wife with a couple kids going to compete with that? And no matter if you say you don't compare her to them - Bull! It might as well be burned into your brain. It makes a woman feel inferior, unwanted and unloved. In all fairness, I'm sure that women can make their men feel the same way and I'm not belittling that. I just don't have that perspective from which to talk about. So, if you're a man who has an opinion or comment - let'r rip!
I totally agree with you on the thought of lust being adultery. However, even though we are admonished to be masters of our thoughts we never truly attain that in our humaness. That does not however mean, I know I can't do this so why even try.
I love to look at an attractive woman. Sometimes my wife will even point a pretty lady out for me. But one thing I can say with absolute confidence and truthfulness, is that there is no one sexier and no one prettier in all God's creation then Lezlie. Beyond being physically beautiful, we have a connection that is magical and no other person could replace that.
She should have left the husband before commencing a relationship outside of the marriage. The boyfriend was WRONG in pursuing his affections for a married woman.But, to remain in a marriage because of contract, often is not the noble thing to do. What if the husband had an emotional, alcohol or drug problem that puts the family in danger? Is she required to remain and keep herself and her children in danger because she signed a lifelong contract?
I believe it is possible for a friendship to get out of hand, when someone is lonely and in need of a friend. I believe that it is possible for someone to fall in love with a friend in need. The husband in this case was wronged, by the wife and also her boyfriend.I do not believe however, that the husband should turn vindictive and and make it a lifelong mission to destroy his ex-wife and children in punishment or retaliation because she quit loving him and embarrassed him. There are children involved, not that can be used as pawns to add further pain, but to be protected, even if it means you have to put them above your pride. Two children have been completely destroyed in this process. The mother started the process when she stepped outside of the marriage, but the father completed it by using the children in an effort to punish their mother, and by dragging the fight on for years. To see what he has allowed his sons to go through to feed his vindictiveness would make you cry.
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