How Can I Obtain Illegal Status?

I received this via email today and thought it was a fresh perspective on the illegal immigration issue plaguing our nation. I read on a news website that our legislature is most likely not going to act on our border security issue prior to the elections. How convenient for all the politicians since they risk very little in offending our populous by doing nothing. We're supposed to be a nation of laws, but we don't enforce even our most plainly stated laws. Lock down the borders and send the illegal aliens back to their country of origin. Anyway, I hope you like reading this new perspective.

To The Honorable Richard Durbin
332 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510

Dear Senator Durbin:

As a native of Illinois and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted.

If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.

I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine.

Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my older son would receive preferential treatment relative to his law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my younger son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal, currently Legal and Overtaxed Constituent

Beyond The Sunset

I Love You Lezlie!


Beyond the sunset, oh blissful morning
When with our Saviour heaven is begun.
Earth's toiling ended, oh glorious dawning
Beyond the sunset when day is done.

Should you go first and I remain to walk the road alone,
I'll live in mem'ry's garden dear with happy days we've known.
In spring I'll wait for roses red when fades the lilacs blue,
And in early fall when brown leaves call I'll catch a glimpse of you.

Should you go first and I remain to finish with the scroll,
No lengthening shadows shall ever creep in to make this life seem droll.
We've known so much of happiness we've had our cup of joy,
But memory is one gift of God that death cannot destroy.

Should you go first and I remain for battles to be fought,
Each thing you've touched along the way will be a hallowed spot.
I'll hear your voice I'll see your smile and though blindly I may grope,
The mem'ry of your helping hand will buoy me on with hope.

Should you go first and I remain one thing I'd have you do,
Walk slowly down that long long path for soon I'll follow you.
And I want to know each step you take that I may walk the same,
For someday down that lonely road you'll hear me call your name.

Beyond the sunset oh that reunion
With our dear loved ones who've gone before.
In that fair moment we'll know no mourning
Beyond the sunset forevermore.

Warning From Pakistan

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan , Taliban Minister of
Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned that if military action
against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America 's supply
of convenience store managers.

If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be
next, followed by Dell customer service reps, followed by motel owners.

Daddy, How Was I Born?

Most of you who know Lezlie and I know that we met through the internet and the rest has been marital bliss. Our neighbor sent us the following little story and I thought it was cute and since I haven’t posted anything in a while I thought I would add it.

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well son, I guess you’ll find out some day.”

“Your mother and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date through e-mail with your mom. We met at a cyber-café where we sneaked into a secluded room, and your mother agreed to a download my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little pop-up appeared that said:

YOU'VE GOT MALE!!!”