My Best Friend, 1984
I’m going to take a little detour off the “Stop the Radical Express” for something much more personal to me. My cousin was going through some pictures and came across a picture of my grandma from 1984. As I gazed through tear-filled eyes at the image before me, I was instantly transported back in time. Grandma died from colon cancer in 1997. The grandmother that I remember who loved me unconditionally and was the best friend I ever had, until I met my wife, is in that picture, in that kitchen, in that house. I remember it with such clarity.
The lump that is now firmly implanted in my throat results from a longing to have one last healthy day with her; one last conversation; one last hug and kiss. Our house was right next door to Grandma’s house. From our bathroom window, I could see into her kitchen. I used to get mom’s make-up mirror and reflect the light so that it would shine into Grandma’s kitchen and she could wave at me before I went to bed at nights on the rare occasions that I wasn’t spending the night with her in the first place.
I would walk to school every morning and she would watch me until I got to the end of the street and turned the corner. Just before the turn, I would look back and Grandma would switch her porch light off and on for me to let me know that she had watched me and as a way to wave to me that she would be missing me.
I often wonder if Grandma would be proud of the me, that I have become. Have I made the choices in life that would have brought her joy and pride? I would love to have her here for my kids to know. Lezlie and she would have been great friends.
Now, I know that this post really makes you wonder why I published something that none of you really know anything about. I just wanted you to know…that today I had a visit from my Grandma. She warmed my heart and she held me while I cried in remembrance of her. She told me that this is the body she has in the after life (not the cancer-riddled body she had here) and that she is waiting patiently for me for the day that we can be whole again. She told me that in that kitchen, she is preparing for me all of my favorite things that I thought I would never get to taste again. She said that she has an Atari up there and she has been practicing her Lock and Chase gaming skills and that in Heaven there is no pain, so the joint discomfort she felt her that she blamed for her repeated losses in that game would put us on equal footing.
I love you Grandma. Thank you for keeping me safe as a child. Thank you for teaching me lessons as a child. Thank you for ALWAYS being there when I needed you. Thank you for never ever giving up on me.
I hope I’ve made you proud!
The lump that is now firmly implanted in my throat results from a longing to have one last healthy day with her; one last conversation; one last hug and kiss. Our house was right next door to Grandma’s house. From our bathroom window, I could see into her kitchen. I used to get mom’s make-up mirror and reflect the light so that it would shine into Grandma’s kitchen and she could wave at me before I went to bed at nights on the rare occasions that I wasn’t spending the night with her in the first place.
I would walk to school every morning and she would watch me until I got to the end of the street and turned the corner. Just before the turn, I would look back and Grandma would switch her porch light off and on for me to let me know that she had watched me and as a way to wave to me that she would be missing me.
I often wonder if Grandma would be proud of the me, that I have become. Have I made the choices in life that would have brought her joy and pride? I would love to have her here for my kids to know. Lezlie and she would have been great friends.
Now, I know that this post really makes you wonder why I published something that none of you really know anything about. I just wanted you to know…that today I had a visit from my Grandma. She warmed my heart and she held me while I cried in remembrance of her. She told me that this is the body she has in the after life (not the cancer-riddled body she had here) and that she is waiting patiently for me for the day that we can be whole again. She told me that in that kitchen, she is preparing for me all of my favorite things that I thought I would never get to taste again. She said that she has an Atari up there and she has been practicing her Lock and Chase gaming skills and that in Heaven there is no pain, so the joint discomfort she felt her that she blamed for her repeated losses in that game would put us on equal footing.
I love you Grandma. Thank you for keeping me safe as a child. Thank you for teaching me lessons as a child. Thank you for ALWAYS being there when I needed you. Thank you for never ever giving up on me.
I hope I’ve made you proud!
Labels: Family
posted by Troy at 9:08 PM
2 Comments:
As I read this post, it brings tears to my eyes. I would have loved to know Grandma Wilma as I believe I have her to thank for instilling certain traits and values in my husband. Without a doubt - I know this great woman is proud of the man her grandson has become.....a loving man, a wonderful father, and a great paramedic. A man that loves his wife unconditionally and tells her on a daily basis. A father that has fun with his boys yet instills discipline. A man that would give to others the shirt and food from his own house.
A man that god brought to me when I so desperately needed someone to love me and show me the way to a better love.
I love you.
I'm sorry grandma that I have disappointed you. I try to be ambitious and set myself out as the best candidate and yet my efforts are still without merit, despite my education, experience, and recommendations. Nobody outside my family wants me and that cannot possible bring pride to you, where I am concerned.
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